What is self-worth?

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What is self-worth? What does it mean?

What am I worth all on my own? How do we even define or measure the value of a person?

If it doesn’t depend on the external world, then why is it so important?

Do I have to be worth anything? Can’t I just be? Just exist as I am? Or is it important to be worth something to oneself?

The following was inspired by a friend of mine.
She told me that after years and years of wanting to go back to dancing, she finally went to a class. It was exactly the kind of dancing she used to love. But she discovered that she no longer enjoyed it, and that made her feel unsure of herself. She always used to tell others about how she loved dancing, but that she just didn’t have time for it anymore. She liked how others would respond, and she liked thinking about how they thought of her, knowing that she could dance. It’s cool, right, when you’re really good at something, and you feel interesting to others? So what happens when you no longer enjoy it? If you’ve always identified with and presented yourself as someone who likes dancing, and you no longer do… it can feel like a piece of you is suddenly missing. And you start to wonder… Who am I now, then?

For me, it’s definitely drawing and painting. I used to be very artistic, and was always praised for my art. When I think about what I was capable of back then, I feel like I’ve failed. I can no longer say that I like to draw or paint. I can no longer put that on my lists of interests or abilities. I identified myself with being good at drawing and painting and being creative so much for more than half of my life. So who am I without it? What is my value if I’m not good at this anymore?

Accepting that even though you’ve changed, and continue to change, and your ideas and hobbies and interests have changed, you are still you at your core. The fact that you’re different, that you’ve grown, does not change the fact that you are still you.

Maybe self-worth is closely connected to identity. Maybe it’s about not being afraid of letting go of who you used to be, of what you used to be good at, of what you used to enjoy. It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to not like what you used to like.

You can still think and talk about how you used to love dancing, painting, reading, playing video games, studying, whatever. But the fact of the matter is, you don’t have to love it anymore. There is no point in feeling bad or worthless just because something does not interest you anymore, or just because you’re no longer good at something.

You’re busy with other things now. You have other priorities. Your life is different than before. So maybe self-worth is about accepting who you are as you are right now, not focusing on who you used to be. Comparing yourself to the you of the past, thinking that you used to somehow be better, is pointless.

If you wish to change something about yourself, really consider whether it’s about truly wanting to improve on something that’s meaningful to you, or if it’s what you think others would want you to change. If the answer is the latter, chances are that your self-worth will suffer.

I actually feel a lot better after writing this.
I hope you will, too.

Thoughts?