“The day first became associated with romantic love within the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the 14th century, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. In 18th-century England, it grew into an occasion in which couples expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines”). Valentine’s Day symbols that are used today include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have given way to mass-produced greeting cards.
(…)
“In the United States, about 190 million Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year, not including the hundreds of millions of cards school children exchange.
Valentine’s Day is a major source of economic activity, with total expenditures in 2017 topping $18.2 billion, or over $136 per person. This is an increase from $108 per person in 2010.”
– Wikipedia
There are many opinions on Valentine’s Day out there. Some celebrate it every year; singles often either moan and complain about it, or make it about self-love. Some say it’s all just mass-produced and materialistic, with companies trying to make as much money off of it as possible. In the US, Valentine’s Day seems to be a very big deal, even in schools. Children of all ages are encouraged to give out hand-written Valentine’s cards, and if you don’t get one, it’s embarrassing and sad.
In Japan, it’s custom to – and often expected of – women to give chocolate to men, not just to their significant other, but also their male bosses and co-workers. In return, “[in] the 1980s, the Japanese National Confectionery Industry Association launched a successful campaign to make March 14 a “reply day”, where men are expected to return the favour to those who gave them chocolates on Valentine’s Day, calling it White Day for the color of the chocolates being offered” (Wikipedia). (Read more about the Japanese Valentine’s Day and White Day here and here.)
Now, in Denmark, it hasn’t really caught on completely. Some people celebrate the American way, with chocolates, flowers, and/or greeting cards. Both partners are expected to give something to the other. Personally, I’ve never really celebrated Valentine’s Day. Well, that’s not entirely true; I’ve given previous boyfriends chocolate, as far as I can remember. But I only have two exes, and we’d share the chocolate anyway. However, my second boyfriend, with whom I had a very long relationship, and I met when we were both studying Japanese. He thought it was fun with the Japanese tradition, so I think we celebrated it like that a few times. I’d get him something on February 14, and he’d get me something on March 14. But it was never really that important to us…
… because we knew how to express our love to each other on a day-to-day basis. Little presents here and there; sometimes I’d treat him to a nice dinner, and vice versa. We didn’t need to schedule a specific day to show each other how much we cared. We’d do small gestures, like leaving a sticky-note on the other’s computer, writing something sweet and draw a heart or something, so they’d find it after coming home from work or school or whatever. Or we’d give each other things that were more of a present for ourselves; one time, he bought me a bluetooth speaker for my phone, so I’d have better sound when watching YouTube videos. He was quite sensitive to sound, so I got a nice present, and he didn’t have to listen to whatever I was watching with my crappy built-in phone speaker.
My current (and hopefully forever-)boyfriend and I have a similar arrangement; we take turns in cooking dinner (or ordering in when we’re both tired), spend as much time together as possible, text each other sweet things even if we’re sitting right next to one another… We support, root for, and take good care of each other. To us, this is so much better, more natural, and more important than attributing showing our love to one day. Also, it wasn’t Valentine’s Day yesterday, and he still brought Ben&Jerry’s after work. I sometimes provide red wine for him, or cookies. … So, basically, we both love feeding each other. Wonderful, right?
We don’t even exchange presents for Christmas or birthdays. A trip to the cinema and a nice meal will do the trick. Or just a nice night in, with order-in sushi and Netflix. Absolutely perfect. I mean, I guess that is a present of sorts; but at least it’s something we both enjoy, and isn’t limited to just one day of the year.
If you really want to give someone something for Valentine’s Day, or any other holiday for that matter, I truly believe that giving your time and attention is the best gift in the whole world. Especially in this day and age, where you have to schedule a meet-up with your friends months in advance. (This is definitely a problem here in Denmark, I think, particularly in the bigger cities.)
I mean, celebrating Valentine’s Day can be really nice. Just don’t rely on it to be the only day to show someone your affection. Do a little somethin’-somethin’ every once in a while. It doesn’t have to be gift-giving, or cost any money at all. There are other ways to show appreciation than with things.
What are your thoughts on this romantic holiday?
The Elephants in the Room 