I’ve been wanting to come back here for a while. It’s been like, 5 months since I posted anything. I haven’t been feeling particularly inspired – you can probably guess why. I’m lucky though; I’m gonna get to the other side of this pandemic relatively unscathed, which can’t be said about everyone. As I’m already unemployed (well, not completely unemployed anymore – more on that later), I haven’t had a job to lose. We’re financially set because of Nick’s job, so no worries there. The main issue for me has been the isolation.
Not being able to see my family or friends for a long time is so hard, as it is for most people. It comes in waves – some days I feel like crying without any specific reason, I’m just tired, tired of not being able to go whereever I want, whenever I want, see whoever I want… I miss my grandma and my sister, my niece, my nephew, my dad, my brother… I miss my friends, miss hugging them, hanging out. I miss going to the cinema. I miss experiencing new things in general. This Groundhog Day-shit is so, so tiring.
I realize I am very privileged. I have a comfortable home, my family and friends are well, none one them has had covid-19 (as far as we know). I have not fallen into a depression, which is quite a relief. I’ve seen a dietician for about four months, and I’m down to my desired weight again, after years of trying to change my eating habits and failing. I’m incredibly grateful for my dietician and very proud of myself for working so hard. I recognize myself when I look in the mirror, which is just… amazing.
So yeah, my struggles are not as severe as many others’. But that does not make them invalid. I am entitled to everything that I am feeling. My feelings are valid, and I get to be sad when I’m sad and happy when I’m happy. I can be frustrated and lonely and feel down in the dumps, without undermining the experiences of others. I’m heartbroken for those who have lost their lives and the people left behind. I’m outraged that some governments are failing their people. I’m so angry with those who call this a conspiracy and won’t wear masks because they don’t “believe in them”, that they refuse – just for a shot while – to give up some of their freedom to help save lives. My soul aches when I think of all the people in camps around the world, dying not just of covid, but of starvation and freezing to death. I am not unaware of their pain and their suffering.
But I should not ignore my own pain because of this. It’s no use to anyone if I fall apart because I didn’t acknowledge how I’m feeling.
All of this to say… it’s hard. But we’re gonna get through this, as long as we all work together. Take care of each other. Respect the lives of others – no one deserves to die so that you can go to the gym.
That’s all. I’ll write another post about my new part-time job. It’s exciting, and it gives me a reason to get up on the mornings where I have work. So stay tuned for that!
Take care out there.
The Elephants in the Room 