Misery loves company.

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Written on Monday the 8th of April, 2019.

 

This week’s post was supposed to be about something completely different. It was going to be about how I finally got my own place, a two-room apartment with a long hallway, a tiny bathroom, and a kitchen that will be replaced (hopefully soon – it’s a dump).

But plans change. Things happen. Unexpected things. Sad things.

The night between Saturday and Sunday, my grandfather (my grandma’s husband, on my father’s side) passed away in his sleep. I won’t go into details about that, it’s not necessary. But it came as a surprise to me. I knew he was old, was having health problems, but… I thought he’d be around for at least another couple of years. But that was not to be.

My dad called me around 9am yesterday and told me. I burst into tears.

Today, my dad took me and my sister to see him one last time at the chapel. My aunt also joined us. Just writing this makes me cry. It was devastating and wonderful to see him and say goodbye. He was cold as ice, as to be expected. But I’d never touched a cold… body… before.

His skin was still soft, though, and he looked like he was sleeping. Both my sister and I expected him to wake up, squeeze our hands with that wonderful, warm grip, open his eyes and smile at us. We stood there for a while. I was resting my hand on his, caressing his cheek and his hair. He looked so peaceful. It was so strange to see him so quiet… none of us had seen him be so quiet before. He was always on the go, smiling, talking, fully present. His presence is now gone. It felt terribly wrong.

As we stood there, my aunt started telling stories. And she told us things we’d never been told before. I knew my father’s family history was complicated, but I had no idea just how much. It’s a private story, so I won’t share it here. I’m so overwhelmed by it, and confused. I really want to learn more about it all.

To make matters worse… last week, my grandmother (from my mom’s side) called me and told me that the mother of my cousins had taken her own life. I was stunned and overwhelmed. She and my uncle had divorced years ago, so I barely had any contact with her anymore. But to think that she was… it’s so hard to believe. And my cousins… I can’t even begin to understand the pain they must be going through. My heart and soul goes out to them.

Within one week, I’ll be going to two funerals. In the same city, if you can believe it. I almost can’t.

My family on both sides are in a lot of pain. I’m in a lot of pain. However, thinking about how amazing and incredible my grandfather’s life has been really helps. He was a true jack-of-all-trades. One could only dream of living a life as full as his.

I will end it there. The wound is still fresh, and I need to process it all, and get through this difficult time. I’m very fortunate to have wonderful and kind people around me to be there for me, and I for them. For that I am truly grateful.

I hope you are all well and safe. Appreciate the people around you, as cheesy as that sounds. Show the people you love that you care. Allow people to love you.

My grandfather was the epitome of love and compassion, and I will do my best to follow his example.

May he rest in peace, that beautiful, caring, loving, hilarious, street-smart, and incredibly talented man. He will be missed by all who ever met him. A truly special and one-of-a-kind human being. All of the above is an understatement. I’m just… so, so grateful for having had him in my life.

“Pas nu godt på dig selv. Og opfør dig ordentligt!”

– Erik Lenskjold

 

 

Thank you for reading.