My attempt at starting my own business and why I had to stop. Part II

Don’t feel like reading? Listen to the audio version here:

 

My business card. The e-mail- and web address no longer work.

In May last year, I went on sick leave. The reason? Early signs of depression.

So, I had been stable for a year around that time. I don’t remember the last time I was stable for that long; for the last maybe 6-7 years, I’ve had steady interruptions of depressions, and a few hypomanic episodes. So that year means a lot to me. I was able to really focus on my treatment, and I finally managed to finish my BA. I felt happy. I met someone very special, whom I love so, so much. I tended to my friendships, and I worked really hard on not working too hard. I used the strategies I’d learned, and continued to learn new ones. I had a steady place to live. The fact that I was in a good place was truly proven when someone very close to my heart died suddenly. I was heartbroken, and scared that I might fall into depression again. But I didn’t. With the help of those who love me, especially my boyfriend, as well as my psychiatrist, I got through it. It was awful, sad, and devastating – but I got through it.

When I finished my BA in January, I celebrated by taking a little trip to Skopje, Macedonia. I’d never been there before, and it was cheap, so I decided to go. I had such a wonderful time – can definitely recommend for a short holiday. Then, reality kicked back in. I had 4 and a half months left before I had to move out of my student apartment. I had to start applying for jobs to keep my dagpenge from a-kassen (see previous post). But I was super excited to start my own business, and couldn’t wait to get started.

In the beginning of April, I started the Start-Up programme through my a-kasse. It was so cool, and made me feel professional and important. We were 50 participants, each with their own idea for their own business. There were start-ups for video game companies, sustainable clothing, sustainable furniture, plenty of different consultant companies… even this super cool guy who wanted to make actual pianos, not just keyboards, in a small, practical size, so they would even fit in small apartments! Great ideas all around. And they all really liked my idea, as well.

It was going great. Until I began noticing certain behavioral changes.

It got more and more difficult for me to get up in the morning. I started having more migraines. Negative thoughts were seeping in, and my self-confidence and self-worth started going down a bit. Some social anxiety was brewing. So, I sat down and wrote all those symptoms in a notebook. Then, I got out my notes from my treatment at the hospital, including my ‘plan of action.’ I compared the two lists of symptoms, and there it was: a complete match.

Fuck.

Well, all I could do then was to follow my plan of action.

Following the plan

At that time, I’d already finished the programme at the hospital. But due to long waiting lists, my first appointment with my new psychiatrist was three months away. And I needed help asap. I’d been considering going to the psych emergency room (where I’d almost admitted myself back in February 2017), to try and get some help there. I told my GP about it, and she told me to go straight there when I left her clinic. I’d been in that situation before, as I wrote about in an earlier post, Why group therapy is amazing. Once again, I was assigned a therapist for home-visits, a doctor, and a psychologist. I was mainly in contact with Espen, my therapist, who played a big part in my recovery. He got me a mentor, who would soon become one of my most trusted allies to help me navigate the system. I’m sure I’ll write more about her in the future.

I did what the plan said: I applied for sick leave; spoke to my doctor; got temporary treatment through psych E.R.; talked and consulted with my dad about everything; reached out to friends for support; and, most importantly, took the situation seriously.

Going on sick leave isn’t easy, though. I could go on and on and try to explain the system here, but I’ll save that for another post. Let’s just say it’s complicated and draining.

What about Maria’s Private Tutoring?

I might have made it sound like quitting the programme and going on sick leave was an easy choice. It definitely was not. It’s always hard to admit when you need to pull the breaks, and realize that you’re incapable of continuing with something you’re really passionate about. I put my heart and soul in it, and having to put that back on a shelf was very, very hard. The final hit was when my website renewed, and it was expensive, and I had to decide whether or not to keep the website running and lose money. I decided to contact customer service, and ended up cancelling the renewal, got my money back, and my website was gone. Boom. Just like that.

I did what I could; saved all of the content, and took screenshots of all the pages, so that if I ever wanted to start it again, I could remember what it looked like.

I felt like a failure. Now I had to tell everyone that I wasn’t starting my company after all, which created a lot of confusion. Everyone had been so impressed by me, and how I was going to be an independent business woman. They all believed I could do it, and all expected me to excel and succeed. I expected myself to excel and succeed. But having to tell everyone that I gave up made me feel like… well, like I had given up. Failed.

Changing the focus from failing to start my own company to succeeding in preventing a depressive episode became the next step. Getting praise from practitionors on how I had picked up on my warning signals and actually acted on them really helped. They were all impressed with the fact that I had accomplished something that many people in my situation are not able to do. Something I hadn’t been able to do before. The more I talked about it and thought about it, I realized that it was actually a massive win for me. I successfully prevented going into a deep depression.

Of course, the symptoms didn’t just go away. I’ve been going to treatments ever since. Still am. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m doing pretty well; I’m working to get myself back on my feet, and I’ve been stable for about a month and a half. On Tuesday, I start my 13-week internship at Depressionsforeningen (the association for depression and bipolar). Super damn excited! Two days a week, three hours per day. A good place to start.

Maybe one day Maria’s Private Tutoring will be revived. But not within the foreseeable future. My life demands other priorities at this time. And I’m okay with that.

My attempt at starting my own business and why I had to stop. Part I

Don’t feel like reading? Listen to the audio version here:

 

This is a long one, folks, so I’ve decided to divide it up into two parts.

Enjoy!

 

In the beginning of 2018, I decided to start my own private tutoring company.
First, here’s why:

MentorDanmark

About 3-4 years ago, I worked for a company called MentorDanmark. MentorDanmark provides tutoring for students in ‘folkeskolen’ (which is like primary and lower secondary school) and ‘gymnasiet’ (higher secondary / high school). So basically from ages 6 to 19. The mentors are all university students, or students of other types of higher education. Another requirement is that they need to have top grades from ‘gymnasiet’ in the subjects that they would like to teach. So, for instance, I wanted to teach English and Danish, so I needed top grades in those. Their screening process is substantial, and it’s only gotten more comprehensive since my time working there.

I loved working for MentorDanmark. I had students ranging in ages from 12 to 18. They have a pairing process to match mentor with student, based on interests, subjects, location, etc. So this is basically how it works (or at least how it worked in my time):

1. MentorDanmark finds a match.
2. Mentor, student, and student’s parents have a non-committal meeting, where you talk about what the student’s goals are, and see if there’s a good teacher-student chemistry.
3. Mentor and student are matched.
4. Sessions are usually 2 hours twice per week, and usually take place either 1) at the student’s residence, 2) at a library, 3) at their school.
5. Student provides material from school. Mentor can also bring in relevant material.
6. Let the sessions begin!

That’s how it was back in 2015, at least. Seems to be the same basics today.

So we’re dealing with high-quality tutoring for kids who are having a tough time with certain subjects at school. Most of these kids have agreed with their parents to get a mentor, often even suggested it themselves. I remember one of my students, Carla, was so wonderful and sweet, and super motivated. She would almost always be prepared for our sessions, and was eager to learn. And she was very proud of having a mentor; she thought it was so cool. Once, I was on my way home from a session with a student, who lived in the same town as Carla, and we bumped into each other at a bus stop. She was with her classmates, returning from a field trip, I think. She was really happy to see me, and told everyone, “That’s Maria, my mentor!!” That made me feel happy and grateful.

Of course, I also had a few students who were not interested at all. It was obviously their parents who’d made the decision on their own. I was annoyed with them, because they were never prepared and it was difficult getting them to work. But I also felt bad for them; imagine being a kid whose parents have forced a tutor on you, and you have to spend hours after school twice a week, working with a subject you’re not good at, and probably don’t like, with some university student you don’t know. I couldn’t blame it all on them.

Most students were wonderful, though. And I loved it. Actually being able to see and follow my student’s progress and development from session to session was so rewarding. Watching them improve and feel their confidence growing was just… I just truly enjoyed the work.

The main reason I had to resign was because of depression. I was not diagnosed at the time, but I was pretty sure I was suffering from depressions and stress. And I felt it, but ignored for too long. So, I had to quit, in order to try to keep up with my studies. Both MentorDanmark and the families were very sad to see me leave, and left me a beautiful reccommendation. I teared up when I first read it.

Social butterfly in an international space

I’ve been very active in the international environment in Copenhagen for years, and have many international friends here. I’ve helped quite a few with their Danish, especially when people were getting close to an exam. I enjoy it so, so much, and they appreciate it at least as much.

I worked as a volunteer at Studenterhuset (a place where students meet across the many subjects and faculties at the University of Copenhagen. Super awesome place. Check it out here). The House is run mainly by volunteers, the majority consisting of internationals (around 40 nationalities).
One day, when a small group of us volunteers were sitting outside in the court yard hanging out, we somehow got to talking about Danish language schools in Copenhagen, and how they weren’t very good. They talked about the pro’s and con’s of the few different schools, and how stupid the system was. Then, one girl, named Valeria, looked at me and said: “Maria, you should start your own teaching business!”

Now, at first, I kinda laughed it off. Sure, yeah, I’ll just start my own company and give those schools some competition. But the idea ruminated in my head for a long time.

When I was close to finishing my bachelor’s degree, I started thinking seriously about it. I researched how to start your own business, and found out that it’s actually super easy. The hard parts are making a website, accounting, PR, VAT, taxes, etc. But the actual act of officially registrering your business, as well as getting a CVR, is just a click of a button away…

 

Maria’s Private Tutoring

I decided to take advantage of SquareSpace’s 14-day free trial, and created my own website. I came up with a name – Maria’s Private Tutoring – and asked a friend of mine, who was studying media design, if she would design my logo. Later on, I also asked her to design my business card. And she said yes. In return, I promised to proof-read her bachelor thesis. Very good deal.

I started taking courses at Københavns Erhvervshus (Business House Copenhagen), where I also got individual counselling from one of their business advisors. All for free. Apparenly, Copenhagen municipality loves entrepeneurs. Probably because we create our own jobs.

When I finished my BA, I really started getting into it. So, in Denmark, we have something called ‘a-kasse’.

The Danish word ‘a‑kasse’ is an abbreviation for ‘arbejdsløshedskasse’ and means unemployment insurance fund. When you join (become a member of) the a‑kasse, you are guaranteed an amount of regular income if you become unemployed. So the a‑kasse can give you time to look for the right job, pay your bills – and in fact help you to find a job.

– source

An a-kasse also provides different types of courses. My a-kasse, “Akademikernes Ambitiøse A-Kasse,” just happens to offer a bi-yearly course called “Akademikernes Start-Up.” To sum it up, it’s a three month course with classes on how to start and build up your own business. They have different companies and entrepeneurs come in and do presentations, and they even gave us full access to this beautiful, big office space in the middle of the city, in the same building as my a-kasse’s offices. There was a lunch arrangement – 500 dkk per month for all-you-can-eat amazing lunch Monday-Friday. Long story short, it was perfect for me.

And it. Was. Free.

Of course, you can’t just get in to a programme like that. I had to send in an application form, and they invited me in to an interview. He loved my idea. It was awesome. And I knew I was in.

Things were going great. I was applying for jobs (you have to apply for a certain amount of jobs per week to continue to get money from the a-kasse), going to courses, working on my company, getting to know the other participants in the programme, having lunch with them, sharing experiences and advice and recommendations… Everyone was very impressed with how far I’d already come. And I was one of the youngest there. They also gave me so many new ideas and perspectives.

My family and friends were all incredibly supportive and believed in my idea. I had a beautiful, user-friendly website. And I even started looking for and talking to potential customers. That’s right – I was that far in the process.

So… what happened?

 

To be continued next Tuesday!